Perfection
by Dlvvanzor
Summary: Because in the end, Light Yagami is perfection. L POV reflection on Light. Oneshot, LxL.


Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Watari was the only person who knew of my feelings aside from, of course, myself. He knew all of it, I kept nothing from him. I told him when I first suspected my attraction, and I told him when I knew for a fact that I loved him.

"Love" was not something I ever intended to get mixed up with. "Love" complicates things. "Love" clouds one's judgment. "Love" can make you go to ridiculous lengths to please the object of your affection. If I did not have my cold, detached sense of logic, if that was ever confused by love, then what did I have?

That is not to say I did not _believe_ in it.

Light Yagami. My first friend and my first love. I was surprised when I noticed him sexually, although logically I should not have been surprised at all. He was my intellectual equal. The first and the last. There was no one else like him, just as I have been told there is no one else like me. His physical appearance was not a deterrent, either. There was nothing about him that did not capture my attention, did not drag me into him with a force that was stronger than I could resist. Stronger than electromagnetism, stronger than gravity. Magnets and gravity can be overcome. Electromagnets can be diffused, or with enough strength they can be separated. Gravity can be escaped with enough rocket fuel. Light was a different matter. For all my skills, I could not have escaped his influence had I wanted to.

And no part of me wanted to.

It is useless to go into a detailed discussion of his physical appearance. 'Flawlessly, dangerously beautiful' is sufficient, but still does not capture him. I understand that I could never do him true justice. His face, his hair, his body, his fingers. Everything about him was so inarguably ideal that it all wrapped around itself and became ordinary--- at least when one is discussing _him._ Not that he himself, or anything about him, could ever have been considered ordinary.

One part of him, however, while indeed equally flawless, is very much worth discussing.

Light Yagami's eyes.

As someone who spent more consecutive hours with him than conceivably even his mother, I consider myself an authority on the subject: you could never, ever trust them.

He showed no expression one moment, then he flipped on whatever emotion suited the situation. He had his beautiful face entirely at his command- he could display whatever he chose. Intelligence. Humor. Sanity. Passion. Righteous indignation. Fury. Lust. Sometimes I even saw the most deeply disturbing madness. It was impossible to look into his eyes and know what he was truly thinking or feeling. Impossible, because his true reactions and emotions were disguised as false by all his other manufactured expressions.

I knew this the first moment I met him.

And I knew then, _knew,_ that he was Kira.

Only someone with his eyes, with his body, and with his mind, could be Kira.

And only he had all those three things.

It did not matter. I was forced to interact with him, and his proximity had its effect on me. I _knew_ he was brilliant when I saw those intelligent eyes flare with intuition, but I never could have known how deeply that intelligence ran in him.

It had embedded itself in his psyche a very long time before I met him. When he realized it himself, probably at a very young age. When his teachers and peers and parents realized it, it became his defining characteristic. Even more than his beauty, which should have been more than sufficient. When his parents told him they were proud of him and his brilliance, when they referred to him as their 'brilliant son' to everyone they met. When his teachers started assuming he would always answer their questions correctly, even when he gave an answer different than the one in their books. When tests, teachers, parents, and peers told him over and over and over and over again that he was a genius…

He had never doubted his intelligence. Not even once.

More than that, though. There are people, if not many, that have the brains that he had. Myself, for one. He had the brains, yes. But, also like myself, he had the _mind._

The deductive reasoning I tested him so repeatedly for. His very, very developed set of morals- twisted, but well thought out and comprehensive. His ability to scheme, to plan more steps in advance than most people could realized existed. His almost perfect recall. His ability to plan for every eventuality. His ability to lie and to deceive, to read people, to know exactly what to say to whom to get what he wanted, to manipulate. His ability to _instantly_ put all the aforementioned abilities into effect.

I loved him.

_Bastard _that he was, with everything about him that I _hated_ so intensely, I loved him just as intensely.

The day I knew it as fact was the day we made love.

"Made love" is an inaccurate term. He had sex. Somewhat violent sex. But it was love and intense passion on my part, although he probably did not know it. Perhaps he did. He knew everything else.

It was exactly one time. It took place while we were handcuffed to each other and had been so for an extended period of time. He did not remember, I know now, that he was Kira, but the instinct to be competitive against me remained. He was trying to manipulate me by confusing the Hell out of me, knowing or sensing that I had no previous sexual experience. His unsurpassed ability to manipulate struck again, and he was right in knowing that it would have upset me greatly. I believe he lost control of the situation, however, when I kissed him back. It was not long before we had torn each other's clothes from our bodies, before we were tasting each other anywhere and everywhere we desired.

There was a predictable uke/seme dilemma, not that we discussed it. We simply tossed each other around in our darkened room, destroying innocent furnishings, each waiting for the other man to give in and beg for it. We both knew the other would never do so. Eventually we ended up on the bed, him impaling me but me on top of him, riding him. It was impossible to determine who was dominant in that position, so our egos were able to surrender intact and give in to our throbbing bodies and pulsing erections.

It was _that _night, when he lie panting beneath me, head thrown back, gasping, thrusting up into me, _that_ night, when he called my name and I came with a moan on his stomach, _that_ night, when he ran a long finger over his stomach, slowly, erotically licking my cum off his finger, _that_ night, when he thrust into me so hard that he reached my prostate and I screamed his name- sans honorific for the first and last time- in sticky sweet pleasure-pain, _that_ night, when with a gasp he released deep inside me, filling me, _that_ night, that I looked into his sex-glazed eyes and still saw a lie beneath the more prominent lust, _that_ night, and those eyes, that made me certain that I loved him.

I knew that I loved him.

I knew that I would have him arrested in the event that I won.

I knew that I would not win. Maybe my _heirs_ would, but only if they kept at it constantly, for years, and if they did, it would only be by the fault of one of Light's underlings, never his own.

I believe that he is the only person I ever could have loved. I believe that I would have loved him no matter what- male or female, Kira or L.

Because in the end, what it all comes down to…

Light Yagami is perfection.


End file.
